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Request for AKTO against Phil Beresford


Discodan's picture

By Discodan - Posted on 25 January 2013

I am writing to formally request the granting of a Apprehended KOM Theft Order (AKTO) against Phil Beresford (The Accused). It is alleged that The Accused has undertaken a prolonged and deliberate campaign against myself (The Victim) to repeatedly deprive me of the Strava KOMs for which I would otherwise be entitled.

This sophisticated campaign has taken many forms, including tactics such as The Accused riding faster than The Victim after The Victim has claimed a KOM ("Stealing a KOM"). The Accused has also engaged in submitting historical Strava rides, in some cases years after the fact, in order to retrospectively steal KOMs from The Victim. In other cases The Accused has ridden Segments at a pace which has not only awarded him the KOM, but which The Victim has not been able to match, thus depriving The Victim of the lawful right to earn the KOM.

Some samples of this behaviour are shown below. It is the belief of The Victim that is is a deliberate and targeted campaign. This is evidenced by the fact that every single KOM achieved by The Victim has either been stolen or matched by The Accused. Given that an estimated 10,000 bicycle riders in the Sydney area use Strava, the probability of one random rider stealing the majority of KOMs from another random rider is astronomically low, which leads to the inevitable conclusion that this is a targeted program

There is one exception to this program of theft where The Accused has failed to steal The Victim's KOM by 19 seconds, however it is the belief of The Victim that another attempt will be made to steal that KOM if a AKTO is not granted. The Victim therefore honourably requests that The Accused, Phil Beresford, be banned from riding on any Strava Segment which has been ridden by The Victim. Given The Accused's history of retrospective KOM theft it is also requested that The Accused be banned from riding in the past any segment which The Victim may ride at some point in the future.

StanTheMan's picture

OMG i just lauged.

I think thats just made my day

andyfev's picture

There appears to be a direct relationship between the speed at which you rotate your cranks compared with that of the accused... I suspect that the accessed my have tampered with your bike thus rendering it incapable of going any faster... Suspect foul play Eye-wink

trim's picture

Careful consideration is required as our online community is a sort of anarcho-syndicalist commune. Maybe we can take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week?

But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting, by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major issues.

Such as the request for an AKTO...

Let's hope this prevents anybody feeling repressed...Laughing out loud

andyfev's picture

Contrary to my initial argument 'The victim' and 'The accused' could well be switched. As any barrister worth his weight in gold would argue what if 'The victim' was deliberately cycling slower than 'The accused' in order to frame 'The accused'?

Brilliant plan Eye-wink

GAZZA's picture

Where be these koms???????

hawkeye's picture

Maybe someone's just gone to the dark side and bought one of these:

http://nobmob.com/node/14853 Eye-wink

Discodan's picture

don't be fooled for he is a master of deceipt. He has engineered the situation so that, to the untrained eye, it simply appears that The Victim has been unable to better a KOM previously held by The Accused whereas that is clearly not the case. At this stage the possibility that time travel was used in perpetrating the offence has not been ruled out.

The final unmolested KOM is currently in a KOM relocation program so its identity cannot be revealed. The others are Narrow neck to the fire tower, some horrible climb up near St Albans and the S bends in Balgowlah (my personal favourite as a motorcycle racer)

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