Proof that the Bible authors did MTB

First post for 2015, and expect to hear a lot from me about the "serious" side of riding, but thought I'd kick off with some humour!

You may have been led to believe that mountain biking is only a recent pasttime, and the most recent books in the Bible were written almost 2000 years ago. So obviously the people in Biblical times could not experience the joy and excitement of cruising around the many, many dirt roads they had.
But after a careful scholarly analysis of many verses in the Good Book, one can only conclude competitive MTB DID exist back them. Here's a sampling of this evidence*:

Obviously, Jesus** had never heard of a 24 hour MTB race because; "[He] said to them, 'If you can! All things are possible for one who believes!'"(Mark 9:23) but many of his followers had:

John must have timed the Book of Revelation to arrive to its recipients just before a 100+km race was about to start (2:10): "Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer."

King David evidently wrote Psalm 13 whilst he was climbing Womerah Range in the (old) Convict 100 course for the first time and kept on thinking he was at the top but never was (v1) because he cried out, "How long, O LORD?!"

The author of Acts (14:22) believed that to be part of God's family, we must go for a ride in remote wilderness, get a flat tyre, then bust the derailleur and finally take a massive stack: "Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." (Reminds me of my most recent Fling!)

The author of the Hebrews knew the value of having spectators cheering us on that would help us completely focus on the goal, as well as understanding the risk of having clothes that could get caught in the wheel (12:1): "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and entangles us. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us!"

Paul the Apostle, writer of most of the New Testament letters, was quite possibly the first century's foremost authority on mountain biking. He understood the value of 5am training sessions on hills, even though acknowledged that they're not at all nice (Hebrews 12:11): "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the fruit of virtue to those who have been trained by it." He also suggested to the Colossians that they should do training sessions on Watt Bikes to prepare for 24 hour races for he told them to (1:11) "be strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and and patience."

But Paul was aware that making your training painful, for the sake of it being painful rather than productive, was counter-productive. He must have looked at the training program the Galatians were following and seen that they were never taking time out for recovery rides because he asked them (3:4) "Did you suffer so many things in vain, if indeed it was in vain?"

Paul probably have experienced the "joy" of doing the 115km Highland Fling and the feeling of climbing Brokeback when he wrote his second letter to the Corinthians (4:17): "Our present sufferings are small and won't last very long, but they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them."

Paul must have had a race where he got a mechanical, but was able to see the positives from the experience, learn from them, and look forward the the future, because he told the Romans (5:3-4) "We should glory in our sufferings, because we know suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

He is bound to have done a 24 hour race because only someone with that experience could understand the excitement of having 6am come by: "He has delivered us from the domain of darkness!"
He was able to testify to Timothy that he'd endured bad days yet managed to get through (2 Tim 4:7): "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race!"

Back in those days they must not have given prizes to 2nd and 3rd place getters. This could possibly explain why Paul was so bent on his friends giving all they had. He reminded the Corinthians in his first letter (9:24) "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize. So run that you may obtain it!"

Paul should have cc'd Lance Armstrong in his second letter to Timothy (2:5): "An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules."

Simon Peter*** also must have seen the effects of riders he was coaching who would just hurt himself thinking that that would somehow make them better riders because he warned them in his first letter (1 Peter 3:17) that "it is better... that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong."

James, the brother of Jesus, must have thought that the tribes receiving his letter even did MTB obstacle course racing (1:2-3&12): "Count it all joy, my friends, when you meet trials of various kinds, knowing that this testing produces endurance, and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing ... blessed is the one who who perseveres in a trial because, having stood the test, that person will reveive the crown of life that God has promised"
John also confirmed this in the Book of Revelation, and indicated that there would be a time that everyone would have to do an obstacle race, and to avoid it, one would have to prove their ability in a much longer race (3:10): "Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come on the whole world to test those who live in it."

*Indeed, Gary Fisher is said to have developed the first MTB "clunker" in the 1970s in California, but would you trust the words of fallible men rather than the Word of the infallible God?

**One may wonder what type of cycling Jesus did. I think it is reasonable to conclude he was into downhill for he rode a Giant Downhill bike - he makes continual references to "God's Glory."

***Did you know that the name Peter (which Jesus gave to him) means "rock"? So that when Peter went with Jesus to the Garden of Gethsemane, essentially it turned it into a "rock" "garden!"